“Some days I wonder just how I got here to this ‘good place’.
“How has my heart and mind stayed sane; better than that, how is it clearer, brighter and more hopeful when everything turned inside-out and upside-down? Perhaps it’s because of new friends and fellow survivors. The Twin Cities Gay Men’s Chorus and it’s message is giving me hope and a courageous voice once again.
“Six years ago I came out of the closet – to myself, then to my wife of 29 years, 4 kids, friends, church. My life had been church and missions, reaching out to offer others full, authentic lives. Now my life was imploding. I was compromising the principles and beliefs that I loved, that gave each day meaning and purpose. My outside looked good, but now on the inside, I was restless, conflicted and afraid.
“I’d always been courageous and pushed myself to the edge – trusting God with whatever may come. From surviving the loss of our first child, to knowing all was well when penniless on a missions outreach to Tahiti. I always felt I and my family would be cared for – that we all had a chance at grace and peace. Closeted fear and dread of this unacknowledged ‘me’ finally pushed me to my own place of grace.
“Six years later, back in my hometown of Minneapolis after 30 years away, starting over on every level: personal, relational, vocational, financial. Slowly…so slowly, re-establishing relationship with my kids, getting to know myself and finding out what makes me come alive again.
“Seeing and believing that “it gets better.”..AND it gets “amazing” is why I joined the chorus. I know deep inside how true that is, but am reminded and refreshed each time I come to rehearsal and sit in a room with 180 other guys who get a fresh dose of it each week. To sit unashamed, shoulder to shoulder, hand in hand, in the tribe of those they identify with what others can’t comprehend. Being in the chorus means a lot of work and commitment, but it all makes sense in those times when your heart swells and the tears come. You feel at home with yourself for first time again…and again.”
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